My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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