this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Your penis caused this!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
