yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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