you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
