I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize