I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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