dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
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I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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