my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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