My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
