im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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