Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
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3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
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I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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