Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
