thus making me awesome and them whores
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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