Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
