I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
