There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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