I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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