Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
