In the future we'll all be gay
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
