Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
