I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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