That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
false alarm, still single
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
