I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
