i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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