This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
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I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
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He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
be right there i have to get my cape
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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