And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
