maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
