I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Enjoy the penises
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
