Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
