your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
