Christians are straight up FREAKS
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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