John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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