they need to just BURY HIM!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
