I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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