I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
