yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
