Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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