come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
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