She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
