The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
