just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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