Nicole vs. Life
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
