The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
