I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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