Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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