Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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