I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He felt like a one man threesome
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
