I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
