The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
