Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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