the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
