You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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