I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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