did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
