He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
