there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
