You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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