what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
