Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
