Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My bed smells like the plague
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