i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
