I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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