I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
