Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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